Humans vs Demons
by Dancing Pickle
Summary: Naraku's trying to take over the universe, humans and demons are fighting, how's a secret group of humans and demons gonna stop him? Better than what summary says.
1. The Best Laid Plans

**I just got this idea to make Inuyasha Red vs. Blue style. What is Red vs. Blue, you ask? It's this show these people made from Halo 2. I'm going to make them Inuyasha style, with two Zelda characters. I almost ran out, so I decided to use two other guys from Zelda. I have to start from the third season because I have windows and they didn't program it for that 'til the third season. The main plot is that O'Malley (Naraku now) is trying to take over the universe and a secret team of reds and blues (Humans and Demons here) try to stop him.**

**I don't own Red vs. Blue or Inuyasha.**

**…………………………………………………………………………………………………**

A human in a blue suit is seen lying on the ground near a desert base. "Oooh…ugh…" 

A demon in red is seen next to him, a gun in his hands. "C'mon Mr. Human Guy! Wake up! Wake up!

"It hurts…just let me die…"

The demon then spoke again, "You can't die! I'm bored! All the girls want to do is talk about chick stuff! And not the fun chick stuff like ribbons and unicorns!"

A little ways off, you see two women talking. One says to the other, "I'm not sure about them, but I often find them staring at inappropriate things."

"See! Boring stuff, like oppression in a hostile work environment!"

The human groaned, "Get Myouga…I need Myouga…"

"I can't!" He said, getting upset, "He got possessed by the evil guy and escaped! He's the one that shot you! Don't you remember?"

The human said once more, "I know. I want him to shoot me again."

The demon in red sighed, "Now, now, now. Look's like someone's got a case of fore-heed. If you where gonna die, you would've died by now! Maybe you just need to realize, you're gonna live with the intense pain."

"Get that Inuyasha guy, have him make me a new body…" The human in blue asked.

"Ugh, you can't! We're outta parts because we already used that joke! And Inuyasha left with the others to chase Myouga! But don't you worry," He continued, "they left a long time ago, so I'm sure they'll be back any minute! Sheik had a great fool-proof plan to catch 'em!"

(At some Teleporter Base)

A voice was heard echoing along the corridors of the base. "Hellooo… Hello? Is anybody there?" Sheik asked "Just great, I guess we all got separated in the teleporter!" The Sheikah then turned on his radio. "Inuyasha, it's 2.0, can you read me? Apparently your plan to chase Jenenji's robot army has failed miserably! I appear to be stuck at a station of teleporters, which could take me anywhere in the universe!"

Sheik looked around the hallway, "Or the janitor's closet. Hell, I don't know where it'll go! Inuyasha, are you there? Inuyasha!"

(In a creek near a Human Base-Camp)

The half demon sighed, "Hello anyone, do you read me? Are you there? Anyone? Any body? Nobody? Okay." Inuyasha turned off his radio, and then faced Link. "Well, I don't think the others are coming. We must have gotten separated, somehow."

"My toes are getting prune-y." The Hylian stated.

"Oh-kay…why don't we try to find Naraku?" Inuyasha asked.

"I know where you can find Naraku," Link said, "He lived inside my helmet for a while, and maybe he left an address to send him mail." Link then followed Inuyasha out of the creek.

"He must have taken some of the furniture when he left. And the carpet. And the drapes. And I wouldn't expect him to give that closet back, if you know what I mean." Inuyasha then followed Link behind a human base, still searching, when Link pointed at a body on the ground.

"Inuyasha! Look, a sleeping person!"

"What?" Inuyasha asked, confused at first until he saw the body, "Oh, Ramen!" The half-demon bent over a looked over the dead person, "He's not sleeping, Link. He's dead."

"Oh, good." Link said, relieved, "At first I thought that was me, because I am green. And, I like to sleep. But if he is dead, then that cannot be me, that would be silly."

"No doubt he was killed by our very enemy," Inuyasha stated. "Once again I find myself torn, one-half of me knows there's one less human left in the universe, and that Myouga's got a larger army than me! And that just won't do. No way." Inuyasha pointed his gun at the body, "Rest in peace, scum bag."

Inuyasha and Link where now at another side of the base, still searching for Naraku, when they sighted a heap of dead bodies littering the ground.

"Look, Inuyasha! More sleeping people!" Link shouted, "It must be nap time! But, who has nap time now? Nap time comes before pants time, not after. I think these people are just making up times!"

"What in the hell happened here?" Inuyasha asked, "There must have been an enormous battle!" He paused, "Hello? Is anyone okay? Are there any survivors? Preferably any half-demon survivors? Don't let that discourage you if you're a demon or human! I won't step on you're neck or anything like that!"

"Am I allowed to answer?" Link asked.

"Ssshhh…quiet. Do you hear that?"

"Yes. That noise is called 'Water.'" Trumpet music is heard in the background, "It is very wet, and very sloshy, and-"

"No, I was talking about the trumpet, ya idiot!"

"I have to go to the bathroom now, for some reason. Which is odd because I already went when we where standing in the creek together!"

"Wait a minute, I know that song!" Inuyasha said, "But why would they be playing it in the middle of a-"

All the dead bodies suddenly got back up, and they ran back to their bases saying things like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah! Hoo-ha! Go, go go! Yyyyyyeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!"

"What the?" Inuyasha shouted.

"Running time!"

Though, once they all got back to their bases, Inuyasha and Link where left alone by the humans' base.

"What just happened here?"

"I think all the sleeping people-" Link was then cut-off by Inuyasha.

"Look, a port hole!" He then pointed to a window near the top f the Human Base. "Get over here and give me a boost!"

"Okay." Link walked over to Inuyasha. "You are a good person, and people say nice things about you."

"Not a moral boost, more of a physical one!"

"That window is very high. I don't think you are tall enough."

"I know, I need you to help me get up to it!" Inuyasha said, rather annoyed.

"I don't think I am tall enough either. Also, I am round, and the window is square."

"Just come here!"

Inuyasha had propped Link up to see through the window, plain and simple as that.

"What do you see?" Inuyasha asked.

"I see…a room."

"And? What's in the room?"

"There are some walls…and some ceilings. Wait! Just one ceiling!" Link said, hurriedly.

"What's making all that racket?"

Inside, a team of humans where shouting, "Kill the half-demons! Kill the half-demons! Kill the half-demons! Kill the half-demons! Kill the half-demons! Kill the half-demons! Kill the half-demons!"

"You are not going to like it…" Link murmured.

Inuyasha then let Link down, and said, "Link, I have a very bad feeling…"

Then, from out of both bases, humans and demons came out, shooting guns and killing each other.

"C'mon, Link! We have to get to higher ground!" They both then ran across that battle field, and climbed a ladder to the cliff of a hill.

"Inuyasha, I don't want our friends dead."

"What's going on here?"

A demon walked out of the human base, carrying a blue flag, and he shouted, "Everyone, stop fighting! Stop fighting!" The fighting ceased, and everyone looked at the demon. "Everyone! Everyone! Look onto me! I possess the human flag!"

"It's more beautiful than I ever imagined!" One demon shouted.

He continued, "I have seen the top of the mountain, and you will worship me as though I where a god!"

A group of humans ran over to him, and…well…killed him.

The demon then shouted before dying, "I regret nothing! I have lived what few demons have dared to dream!"

The humans and demons looked back at each other, and started fighting again.

"I have no idea what I just saw, or where I am, or where the hell Naraku is." Was all Inuyasha could say.

**I just copied down every word they said. This is exactly what happened. But I'm sorry that I couldn't put in anymore detail in the battle. And, because of what happened to my "Ask The Gang," I won't be writing another one. Sorry! But, this was one episode. It has humor, and I'll try to work better on the action stuff. What do ya think?**


	2. Visiting Old Friends

(Teleporter Base Where Sheik Is)

You see Sheik crouching down at a teleporter, trying to find a way to get Inuyasha and Link back.

"Okay, let's see. Wire this thing into that… And maybe I can single boost on that thing there... I might just be able to get that thing to work."

On the other side of a teleporter, Inuyasha and Link were in a battle.

"Link! Link!" Inuyasha shouted while shooting random people "Link, get that thing away from me! Get that one! And that one! No, no! The one with the limp! Link!"

"Inuyasha, is that you?" Sheik asked from the other side.

"I do not want to kill! But, I do not want to die either!" Link shouted.

"Inuyasha! Link! Can you hear me?" Sheik asked once again.

"Yes, I heard you, Inuyasha." Link said after Inuyasha killed the last attacking demon.

"I didn't say anything, idiot! Link, we have to break this never ending cycle of attack and retaliation. Either by A) Convincing the two sides to live in peace, or B) By getting ourselves completely involved and kicking some serious ass! I vote 'B.'" Inuyasha said.

In the base behind Link, gunshots formed the name "Link."

"I have an idea Inuyasha, but we will have to be quick." Was what Link said after whispering something to Inuyasha "Do you think that will work?"

"That's your plan?" Inuyasha asked "All you said was 'Whisper, whisper, whisper.'"

"I know, I just wanted to be the one with the plan for once."

Inuyasha sighed, "C'mon, I have an idea."

(Meanwhile, in a base somewhere else in the galaxy…)

A green toad demon (Jaken) was seen in the hall. "This sucks, man. I have to do everything around here." A demon in a silver suit was seen lurking behind him. "I have to pay bills, pay more bills, do everything bills! This sucks."

The silver demon dropped from the ceiling right behind Jaken, he then turned around to see that no one was there.

"What? What was that? Nothin'. Just the stupid, sucky wind… Breakin' a twig… Comin' up behind me… Breathin'…real…heavy." The toad turned back around to see the silver demon. "What the?"

"Hello, mate." Was all the demon said before knocking Jaken out.

(A/N: The silver demon is Sesshomaru. Just to let you know, he's an assassin for Naraku here, and he has a British/Austrian accent. He's my favorite character, and I'm not bashing anyone…except Jaken.)

(Later…)

"Oh, man… What? This sucks!" The toad moaned "What's goin' on?"

"Right, this is the way it works." Sesshomaru stated "I ask you a question, you tell me an answer. One question, one answer. I don't get the answer I like, we've got a problem. And if we've got a problem, you've got a problem. Is that clear?" He asked.

"Okay! Just don't hurt me! I'm a single parent!" the toad demon claimed.

"Splendid! That's the right way to go, old chap. Now, for the questions. Where are you hiding the plans?" His cell phone began to ring "Ahem. Right, where are you hiding… Right, just one second."

The demon in silver turned around and answered his call. "Hello? Yes, it is Sesshomaru speaking. Oh, hello! Yes, right. Oh, buggah. Spell that with a 'g' or an 'f' do you? I thought you said something else. No, I'll get right on it."

"I'm getting bored…" Jaken said.

Sesshomaru was still on his cell phone. "Right, where do you want me to be? Don't worry, he won't be a problem. No, I'll get that one for you. Right, save one for me. Cheerio." The demon returned his attention to Jaken. "Now, where were we? Ah, yes! Look's like it's your day, mate."

"Oh, thank god!" The small demon proclaimed.

"I don't have time to torture you, so I'm just going to have to kill you."

"What?" The toad asked. "Oh, man! This sucks!"

A gunshot was the last thing heard.

(At Demon Base)

All the demons where talking about getting their flag back, when one said, "We must protect this house!"

The other said together, "We must protect this house!"

The demon said again, "We must protect this house!"

They said once again, "We must protect this house!"

The demon said once again, "This is our house!"

One demon near the door said shakily, "Um, guys, look. Where's our flag?"

The rest all gasped.

One demon said, "The flag is gone?"

One beside him asked, "What will we do?"

(A/N: Here, Souta is a demon.)

Souta stood before the rest of the demons and claimed, "If the flag is gone, who will lead us? Who will inspire us with their shiny pole? Who will flap directions to us in battle? We are lost! And the world as we knew it is gone forever from our eyes, only to live in our memories as days of salad and glory! Truly this is the end of time! Repent! Repent!"

One demon claimed, "This sucks, I'm leaving."

Another who was beside him said, "Yeah." And followed him out of the base with all the other behind them.

Outside, the humans where also leaving their base, and met up with the demons. Then, from the cliff, Inuyasha waved the human flag and said, "Oh, human team, look what I have. The humans then looked at him.

Link was beside him with the demon flag. "Oh, human team, look what- Wait, I messed up my lines. Let's start over."

One demon shouted, "They have our flag!"

A human argued, "No they don't, they have our flag!"

"Listen you morons," Inuyasha said over them, "You're gonna have to work for us now."

"What's in it for us?" The demon asked.

"Help us get outta here, and we'll give you back your flags. Then, you can go back to senselessly killing yourselves."

"Deal! Ha, sucker!" The demon shouted.

"Wait, why don't we just kill you guys and get our flag back?" A human asked.

"Hmmm…yeah!" The demon agreed.

The demon then shot the human, who died.

"Ha! You got owned! I saw it! (Beepin') owned!" The demon shouted.

The human team then began saying the word, "Team!" over and over again like a flock of seagulls.

"Shut-up! The team flag is mine!" The demon said.

All the demons raised their guns, and began the battle once again.

"Link, I give up." Inuyasha said.

"Wait, I can make them listen! I can beat them!" Link claimed.

"Link, what are you talking about?" Inuyasha asked.

"Naraku taught me how to be mean. I just have to concentrate on bad things! Like, milk… No, wait. Bread!"

"Link, I think you've really lost it. Naraku's not in your head anymore!" Inuyasha explained.

"No, I can feel him. I just need to get angry…and think mean things! Like, uh, your brain is a mountain of hatred!"

"I never thought I reach the moment in my life similar to this, but here it is." Inuyasha hung his head in humiliation.

"Now, I am thinking of kittens… Egh… Covered in spikes! That makes me angry!" Link screamed while jumping into the battle, and in a deep voice, he said, "My name, is Link, Hero of Time, and I hate babies!"

"It's the beast!" One demon cried, "Come to live amung us and rule us for seven years! The end is ne-" Link rushed up to him and killed him by hitting him in the back of his head with his gun. Link ran over to a human and shot him and the others, like some sick game of dominoes. It was…chaos.

"Holy crap!" Inuyasha shouted, "What's going on down there?"

A green hologram of Sheik then appeared behind Inuyasha.

"Inuyasha! Link! Can you hear me?" The hologram asked.

"Sheik?" Inuyasha said, quite confused.

"I reconfigured a teleporter to let me communicate with you. I need to get you guys outta there."

"Damn right, we need to get outta here!" Inuyasha exclaimed.

"Get to a teleporter and I'll see what I can do from here." The Sheikah replied.

"Right."

"And Inuyasha."

"Yeah?"

"It's really great to see you again." (A/N: Well…I couldn't really think of anything to change it to.)

"Oh, kiss my ass some other time." Inuyasha said.

Inuyasha then ran past Link and shouted, "Link! We've got to get back to the teleporters again!"

The Hylian paid no response and said, "I will eat your unhappiness!"

Inuyasha was then waiting in front of the teleporter, when Link sprinted over to where he was.

"Hurry up Sheik!"

"Just gimme a few more minutes over here."

"We don't have a few more seconds!"

"Just stop pressuring me!"

"Your toast has been burnt, and no amount of scraping will remove the black stuff." Was what Link said, obviously.

"Oh, shut-up Link" Inuyasha growled.

"You can come through now!" Sheik announced.

The two ran through the green light in the teleporter and met back up with Sheik at the teleporter base.

"Phew, that was pretty close, huh?" the Sheikah said.

"Sheik, you get an "F" in efficiency. But I'd have to give you an "A" in dramatic timing." The half-demon stated.

"Thank you, I've always thought presentation is what matters most."

"What happened?" Link said, his normal voice back, "The last thing I can remember was a very mean kitten, and then we where in the janitor's closet! And my throat hurts alot!"

"What was that weird place, Inuyasha?" Sheik asked.

"Sheik, I have absolutely no idea." Was all Inuyasha said.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Eh, I think I'm getting better on this. But I've gotta go right now. Also, thank you my one reviewer! See-ya!


	3. Let's Get Together

I hope my slightly improved summary helped. But anyway, why should you read my note when you can go read the chapter? (I don't own it…but in my dreams, I do.)

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"Bwehehehe…" Naraku chuckled, "My metallic brain mission is complete! And my plan is coming together."

(Kouga speaks Spanish here, and what he says is in subtitles.)

"Fruition." Kouga said, dully. (He's sorta a robot.)

"Oh, shut-up!" Naraku hissed, "Now what did you say?"

"Your plan is fool-proof."

"Now, to bring together my enemies!" Naraku claimed, then dialed Hachi's number.

(At control panel, where Hachi is.)

'Out of area' is seen on the computer's incoming call screen.

"Oh, dude, come on, you've gotta be kiddin' me." Hachi mumbled.

The answering machine played, "El solo meo, Hachi here. I return your call later. Just leave your watsup at the beep."

"Hachi, pick up! It's me! Bwahaha!" Naraku answered.

Hachi immediately pressed the 'pick up' button. "Oh, hey, Dr. Von Evilson. Say, watsup, dude?"

"Why didn't you answer the phone!"

"Dude, you don't come up on caller ID. I'm not just gonna answer any-"

"Caller ID? I'm in hiding, you idiot!" Naraku growled. "I'm trying to take over the universe! Mweheheheheh….."

"We're also on the 'Do not call' list." Onigumo added.

"Oh, shut-up!" Naraku ordered.

"So how's that plot goin' dude?" Hachi asked.

"Magnificent! Mwehahahahaha! I called my bounty hunter to help me with that little human and demon problem. Mweheheheh…" Naraku cuckled evily/insanely.

"Oh, cool!" Hachi explained, "Thanks for turnin' that around so quick, dude. I know you're swamped…"

"Then the universe will be mine! And I'll cast every living soul into the dark! Bwahaha… Except you, of course. I'll set you on the list of not to kill."

"Okay, dude." Hachi hung up the phone. "Lookin' forward to that."

(At Teleporter Base)

"And that's how I brought you back here. So, theoretically, it should transport us to Blood Gultch, or anywhere else we wanna go. You understand?" Sheik asked.

"Yes." Link claimed, "No. What does thermaretically mean?"

"I'm probably gonna save a lot of time by telling you these thing work by magic." Sheik replied.

"I thought you told the story very well." Link continued, "I liked all the parts with me in them."

"Any idea which ones go where?" Inuyasha asked.

"Yeah, um… Not really. I found you two guys by accident." Sheik claimed. "I don't want to start using teleporters at random."

"We should definitely take the green one." Link said. (All of them are green…)

"We should be quiet now…" Sheik mumbled.

"We've got to find a way to contact 'em!" Inuyasha announced.

"Come in Sergeant Dude, hello Sergeant Dude, are you there?" Hachi asked over Inuyasha's radio.

"Hachi?" Inuyasha asked.

"I've got some good news for ya, dude." The badger claimed.

(Some field)

"Shippo, I've got some bad news." Sango said, "You've been tagged."

"Tagged? That sounds bad. Unless that means something sexual. Does it?" Shippo asked.

"It means something bad. Someone's hired a free-lancer to take you out. Do you have any idea why?"

"I can't say…"

"Do you have any secrets? I find that attractive." Sango replied.

"You do?" Shippo asked hopefully.

(A/N: Shippo's a grown man here.)

"It attracts people, yeah."

"Do you know who's after him?" Jakotsu asked.

"This guy I had in training, his name's Wyoming." She stated.

Shippo laughed, "Finally a name dumber than Jakotsu!"

"Hey!" Jakotsu defended, "….Yeah, okay…"

"Everybody in the division was given an A.I. code name for a state." Sango explained.

"Hey, what was your code name, Sango?" Jakotsu asked.

"Nevada."

"One for each state? So there's fifty of you?" Shippo assumed.

"Forty-nine. Remember?"

"Oh, yeah. Right. Man, poor Florida."

They all had a moment of silence, before Shippo broke it.

"Okay, anyway…"

"Well, I'll make you a deal. I still owe ya one." Sango stated. "So if I take care of Wyoming, we call it a deal. Deal?"

"You realize you want to protect me from a guy who's trying to kill me. What am I gonna say? No?"

"Yes." Sango answered.

(Teleporter Base)

"Ha!" Inuyasha claimed, "If we fuse these two components together, we find Naraku!"

"How do you suppose we do that, Inuyasha? Use bombs?" Sheik questioned.

"Hmmm…maybe we should! We could follow the enormous explosion and follow the trails of smoke directly to them! It would be just like a homing device, but Indian style."

"I see what you mean, Inuyasha. It would lead us to the crater that they left." Sheik replied.

"Though brutally delivered, I see where you're going. Let's go with the listening devise."

"Great idea, sir." Sheik said, sarcastically.

"Okay, now we-"

"Can I press the button that makes it go? Please?" Link asked.

"Okay, Link." Inuyasha agreed. "Just this once."

"YAY!"

Link went off, and returned shortly and turned to Sheik.

"I pressed the button." Link claimed proudly.

"Stay away from me."

"Man, I hate this! This sucks!" A voice from the intercom system shouted.

"That's Miroku!" Link cried.

"I just wanna lay around and do nothin'!" The voice said again.

"I think its Kagome!" Inuyasha assumed.

"Right after I take this nice warm bubble bath."

"Jakotsu." Sheik and Inuyasha said together.

"Lemme see if I can link onto that signal, Inuyasha." Sheik said while going back to the teleporter. "Okay, I've got 'em! Go ahead!"

"Come in Jakotsu! Come in Jakotsu! Do you read me? Come in!" Inuyasha asked.

"Inuyasha! You've got to help me!" Jakotsu claimed. "You left me with one human, but now there are three!"

"You're right! It was a trap all along! Listen Jakotsu, you have to tell me all about the humans' plan! That Kohaku is gonna make up things, crazy things!"

"Inuyasha, what should I do?" Jakotsu asked.

"Don't let 'em catch on that you know! Just act like you normally do! Wait, unlike you. Act like someone normal. More masculine, for god's sake."

"Okie-dokie Inuyasha."

"He's a dead man, Sheik." Inuyasha whispered.

"It's okay, Inuyasha. I thought you two where getting too close, anyway. And that's not good for the chain of command." The Sheikah stated.

"Open up a teleporter, Sheik." Inuyasha ordered. "I want to see if I can locate his armor."

"Yay!" Link shouted merrily, "More button pushing!"

"Link, don't touch that!" Sheik warned.

"This is the button to find Miroku!" The Hylian happily replied while pushing the button.

"Uh-oh." The half-demon stated, "That's not gonna be good."

"Did he just do what I think he did?" Sheik asked worriedly.

"Miroku is going to be so happy with me!" Link said giddily.

(At some barren base.)

Miroku let loose a long burp.

"Oh, I think I can beat it." Kagome boasted.

"Wonder what brought that up."

"Hey, Miroku, did you know your stomach's ticking?" Kagome asked.

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I hope I did okay. But for now, I've got to go.


	4. You're The Bomb, Yo

Well, I think this fic's goin' somewhere now! Sadly, Sesshomaru doesn't have a mustache and bowler hat. BUT he does wear silver armor… Also, Miroku and Kagome got thrown in some kinda prison cell because they invaded a desolate demon base. I guess that's all I have to say for now.

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"C'mon!" Kagome shouted in a prison cell, "I don't even know this guy, and I'm not a monk! C'mon! Lemme out!"

"Great job, Kagome. I think they'll actually let us out. Thanks for the team support." Miroku responded sarcastically.

"Hey, I've gotta get outta her somehow, Miroku."

"There's no 'I' in team, Kagome. There's no 'you' either. I guess if I'm not on the team, and you're not on the team, nobody's on the goddamned team! This team sucks!"

"But you have to wonder why the demons are still here." Kagome pondered, "Sango already wiped-out all the humans (except herself and some others), so why don't they just pull out?"

"Because someone been leading the demons for three years. Trust me, it's not that surprising."

_**Where Sheik, Inuyasha, and Link are. (Near a teleporter at Sidewinder.)**_

"Okay, we've traced the bomb's activation's signal to Sidewinder." Sheik explained, "How much time do we have left, Inuyasha?"

"Everyone here's set to transport." Jakostu added over the radio.

"I'm not going through with this thing, I'm serious!" Shippo said in the background.

"We need to get there as soon as possible." Inuyasha claimed, "Did you set their teleporter straight to Sidewinder?"

"Jakostu said he'd do it. He said he did everything right, but I figure they have a fifty fifty chance of ending up in Sidewinder, or in the middle of deep space." Sheik figured.

"What about us?" Inuyasha asked.

"I set it myself, we're fine."

"I find the risk exceptable."

"I never knew a screw driver would be named Miller. Do think it was named after a guy named Miller? That guy must have a (Beep-ed) up shaped head!" Jakotsu said aloud.

"Yeah, screw this, I'm walking." Shippo boasted.

"All right, let's saddle up!" Inuyasha claimed, "Here comes the calvery! Yaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!" Inuyasha ran through the teleporter, only to come out of another a few feet from where he once was.

"Uh, sir. The teleporter I reprogrammed is over there." Sheik replied.

"Oh," Inuyasha mumbled, "Well, head's up evil doers, here we come to save the- oh, forget it. Let's just go."

**_In the 'Prison-ish' cell where Kagome and Miroku are._**

"Nobody knows the trouble I've seen, nobody know but Jesus." Kagome sang. (No offense to non-Christians and others, just an annoying song I wanted to put in.)

"Will you shut-up?" Miroku shouted.

"You just can't face the facts that I can be tough on the inside! I'm hard now!"

"Puh-lease, gimme a break."

"As a prison beauty, I would not expect you to understand."

Bullets were seen flying through the air in a hallway a ways away from the cell.

"What's goin' on out there?" Miroku asked.

"Aw, man! Maybe our crew's come to bust us out of the joint! I don't think I can live on the outside anymore, Miroku. I'm all institutionalized and (Beep.)" Kagome claimed.

"I don't know," Miroku sighed, "I think who ever is fighting them is winning. It can't possibly be our guys."

"Hey, you!" Kagome shouted to some random demon, "Aren't you goin' to go help your buddies? Hint, hint?"

The demon just ran away to do who knows what, and turned a corner, and was killed by an invisible person. Footsteps where heard coming closer to Kagome and Miroku's cell, when a silver demon (Fluffy!), turned visible in front of them.

"Hello, Miroku." Sesshomaru replied.

"What are you doing here?" The monk questioned.

"I had to complete a job with your little friend Shippo. Seems he discovered some information on someone else's ATM account."

"Who's this cracker?" Kagome asked.

"Eh, he's just some scum bag bounty hunter that was in the same division as Sango." The monk answered.

"Ah, yes. Dear Sango. After I take care of your little friend Shippo, I'll be taking care of her as well." The demon replied icily.

"When I get outta here-" Miroku began.

"But you won't. Everyone here is dead now. No one even knows where you are. So I suppose now you'll just have to starve to death. Ha ha. Cheerio." Sesshomaru chuckled as he made his way out of the building.

"We've got to find a way to escape from here, Kagome."

"I wish we had bed sheets!" Kagome sighed.

"There's no window! What time is a good time to have bed sheets when there's now window?"

"Who said anything about tying them together? I wanna take a nap! If I have to die of hunger, I want to do it in my sleep." Kagome claimed.

**_Teleporter where Jakotsu, Shippo, and Sango are._**

"Good luck everyone!" Kanna, the computerized battle tank warmly said, "Take care, I packed you all lunches for the trip!"

"Thanks, Kanna!" Shippo thanked, "That was really nice of you!"

"Not really," Jakotsu replied, "All my bag had was an air filter and a thermos full of brake fluid!"

"Make sure to oil your exhaust pipes every day!" Kanna reminded them.

"Bye, Kanna! I'll come back for you soon!" Jakotsu shouted while going through the teleporter right after Sango.

"I'll be waiting!"

Shippo then went through the teleporter as the others had once done.

**_Sidewinder, where Inuyasha and the others ended up._**

"Okay, here they come!" Sheik reminded them.

Sango was the first to come out, and she took a few steps away from the teleporter so the others could come out.

"Yeah!" Jakotsu said with an ego after emerging, "I knew I could fix the teleporter! I guess these hands aren't just for manicuring after all!Yeah."

Shippo, the last, came out covered in black stuff.

"Owww! Crap!" Shippo shouted.

"What's all that black stuff on your armor?" Sheik asked.

"Just me? What the (Beep)?"

"Shippo!" Link exclaimed, "I am so glad to see you! Here, let me help you clean your armor off by rubbing you all over."

"Oooh! Let me help!" Jakotsu pleaded.

"Absolutely, Admiral Butter Crust." Link replied.

The three went off a ways, but a certain bounty hunter was watching.

"I don't see him," Sesshomaru thought aloud, "Maybe they've disguised him somehow. Well played!"

"Gotcha." Sango said, proud of her accomplishment.

_**Back where Inuyasha and Sheik are.**_

"Sheik, we're got to locate Miroku and get that bomb defused. Then we can find Koga, foil his plans, and go back to fighting the humans!"

"And find Naraku." Sheik added.

"What?" Inuyasha asked.

"And we also need to find Kagome."

"Well, we have to think of our mission first. But I suppose we could accidentally find Kagome along the way."

_**Back where Kagome and Miroku are.**_

"Eh… I don't feel so good Kagome. I've been putting something off to help us escape, but I gotta warn ya, it might scare you a little bit."

"Scary?" Kagome asked, "You outta take a bath in the Hot Springs with Keade."

"Okay, here we go!"

The doors to the cells just opened as they turned around.

"You opened the doors, that wasn't scary at all." Kagome complained.

"What? I didn't do that!" Miroku claimed, "Somebody on the outside must of done it."

"All right, let's go!"

The two ran out of the cells, off to find the others.

"Freedom! It smells so sweet! Let's go rob a cheese store on our way back." Miroku shouted.

_**Back with Jakotsu, Link, and Shippo**_.

"There, you are all clean now." Link claimed.

"Thanks, but you didn't need to spend so much time on my nails, Jakotsu."

"Coral Pink nail polish is just my way of saying I care." Jakotsu replied.

_**With Sesshomaru, who is stalking Shippo.**_

"Well, there we are, mate!" Sesshomaru snickered.

"Hello, Wyoming. Why don't you stop pointing that gun at my friend." Sango said behind Sesshomaru, a gun in her hands.

Sesshomaru turned around to face her.

"Oh, hello! Good to see you." Sesshomaru replied. "How is your old friend Naraku?"

"I don't know. He hired you, didn't he?" She questioned.

"Oh how did you know that?" Sesshomaru sarcastically asked.

"When someone lives in your head for a few years, you get to know them. Where is he?" Sango demanded.

"Oh, he'll be along shortly." Sesshomaru answered. Naraku behind Sango loaded his gun. "Very shortly."

"Aw, crap."

"Bwahahahahaha! Bwahahahahahaha!" Naraku maniacally laughed behind her, "Only now you realize the consequences to your meaningless chit-chat!"

……………………………………………………………………………………………………….

I'm sorry this took so long. I've been so lazy! I'll be at summer camp for a week at the end of May, and my family's planning on moving at summer break. If there's any long periods of time I haven't updated, it's because of that.


	5. Make Your Time

Naraku chuckled while standing upon the cliff, Inuyasha and the others below, "You fools, you've fallen right into my hands! Only now you realize the falling of your buddies! Prepare for an oblivion, for which there is no proper reason! Bwahahaha!"

"Naraku!" Sheik said, "The humans and demons are working together now! You can't hope to beat us!"

"You fool! My metallic friend is the only ally I need! Kouga, activate the weather control team!" Naraku snapped.

"Okay." Kouga replied. Twelve shining figures then began to hover around Kouga.

"Are those symbols of ancient technology?" Sheik asked.

"No! I used to draw them on my binder during study hall! I always wanted to use them for something. Aren't they cool?" Onigumo asked.

"Shut-up!" Naraku ordered.

"Curses!" Inuyasha replied, "They've found our secret weapon! A important weather device, but I where missing a critical piece of technology to make it work!"

"Yes, and now, I've located those 'D' batteries, and the universe will be MINE! Bwahahahaha!" Naraku claimed.

"Is he serious?" Shippo asked, "He couldn't find 'D' batteries?"

"They're only at gas stations, and they're just so darn expensive there!" Inuyasha replied.

"What's going on?" Miroku asked.

"Do you want the long version or the short?" Inuyasha asked, "Basically, you've got a megaton bomb in your gut-"

"Ten seconds, sir!" Sheik warned.

"And it'll kill us all!" Inuyasha finished.

"That doesn't make any sense. Where's the long version?" Miroku asked.

"That WAS the long version. The short version is we're doomed." Shippo told him.

"Kagome, are you okay?" Sheik asked.

"We've been through hard times together," Kagome replied, "I'm not the woman you used to know."

"Hard times?" Sheik asked, "We where only separated for five hours!"

"Time goes slower on the inside, Sheik. It would be like seven or eight hours to me!"

Naraku sent poison insects at them, "You foolish fools, you'll never defeat me! You're far from being safe! Oblivion is at hand!"

"Inuyasha!" Sheik shouted, shooting an insect, "I have an idea, but I need you to distract him!"

"Will do!" Inuyasha replied then turned back to Kagome, hiding behind a boulder, "Kagome, I've never believed in you. Not even for a moment! But now, this is your chance to prove yourself!"

"What do you need me to do, Inuyasha?" She asked.

"I need you to run right at Naraku!"

"And distract him with my River Dance?"

"No, get really close to Naraku. Try to clog his rocket launcher with your banana from lunch!"

"You're kidding?"

"It's not much of a chance, but I know. But it's worth a shot."

Naraku then ran onto the battlefield, "Bwahahaha! Oblivion is at hand! Bwahahaha!"

"Cover your ears, guys. This thing is REALLY loud." Onigumo added, rocket launcher in hand pointed at Kagome and Inuyasha.

"This is it!" She shouted.

"Not so fast, Naraku!" Sheik shouted, "Maybe we can't stop you, but I know who can!" He claimed.

A teleporter then opened, human and demons jumping out.

"All right, new level, yeah!" One shouted.

"Waaaaahhhhhhooooooooooooooo!"

"Hey guys, do you want your flag?" Sheik asked, "He's the one that has it!" Sheik yelled, pointing at Naraku.

A moment of silence was spent of the teams and Naraku changing glances.

"The crusade has begun!" Souta announced, "Our hour of glory is now at hand! Let all who stand against us be washed with our divine light!"

The humans and demons began shooting Naraku with whatever they had at free will, while Naraku tried to run away.

"Get..get…get away from me! Noooooo! No, no, nnnnnooooooo!"

"We have to disarm the bomb in Miroku's stomach!" Sheik told the rest of the group.

"Hold still!" Inuyasha ordered Miroku. "Miroku, this'll just take a second!"

"Don't you ever let me do anything?" Miroku asked.

"Oh, no! That last lightning bolt that hit you while in battle was the detonator! There's no way to turn this thing off!"

"Can you do it manually?" Sheik asked.

"Impossible! I specifically deigned so I couldn't deactivate it!" Inuyasha told Sheik.

"Why?"

"In case I fell into the wrong hands and was brain washed to help the humans!"

"Nice thinking," Sheik replied sarcastically.

"You had to get one last ass kissing before we died, didn't you?" Kagome asked.

**Where Naraku is with the humans and demons…**

"Hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop!"

"No! That's disgusting!" Naraku cried.

"Heh heh, let me try!"

"What are you doing? I've been violated!" Naraku screeched.

**Er…back with the group…**

"Miroku, there's only one thing I can do." Shippo told him, bazooka in his hands.

"Hey! What the hell?" Miroku asked, really freaked out.

"Miroku, there's only twenty seconds left!" Sheik cried.

"If I blow you up before the bomb goes off, that means there's a small chance we will live," Shippo asked.

"You're not gonna kill me!" Miroku defended.

"But you're gonna die anyway when your wind tunnel sucks you up!" Kagome shouted.

"What can I tell ya? I'm scared."

"FIVE SECONDS!" The Sheikah reported.

"I'm sorry, Miroku." Shippo told him, bazooka raised once again.

"Man, you guys suck!"

A lone bullet then shot Shippo.

"What the hell?" The Kitsune shouted.

"Sorry private Shippo, but I always get my man. Sorry, mate." Sesshomaru replied.

"Uh, guys…" Sheik muttered, "I hate to interrupt, but…zero seconds."

"What?" Miroku asked, "Aw, son of a-"

The bomb then exploded, destroying the universe. Um…yeah…

**In a place that looks like that black swirl-y thingy from the Twilight Zone where the gang is floating around in…**

"The bomb must have gone off!" Inuyasha said.

"Where are we?" Shippo asked, "Are we dead?"

"I don't want to be dead!" Link shouted, "I want to be alive! Or…a cowboy!"

"Aw, dead? Tomorrow was 'All You Can Eat Chow Day' at Pizza Hut! And I wanted to eat all that I could!" Kagome whined.

"We're not dead, idiots!" Inuyasha shouted, "We're in a worm hole!"

The swirl-y thingy then began to disappear.

"This can't be good," Sheik said aloud.

"Heads up, boys! Prepare for impact!" The half-demon warned.

**In some desert like thing…**

"Ugh…what happened?" Shippo asked.

"Hey, he's awake!" Jakotsu shouted.

"I still want to know why I don't get a laser gun…" Shippo muttered.

"Shut-up, you dumb ass." Sheik ordered.

"What the-?"

"He, hey, hey, there Miroku. You've been out a while." Sheik told him.

"And I though I was lazy." Kagome stated.

"What's going on? Who are you people?" Shippo asked.

"He has amnesia!" Jakotsu claimed, "Shippo! Don't worry! You are safe! You're with friends! We are your mortal enemies! Wait, that didn't sound right…"

"Shippo!" Link cried happily, "I am so glad you are alive!"

"Link?" Shippo asked, "You're still so dumb! But you look so different!"

"We are in the future! Things are very shiny here!" Link replied.

"You sure? Oh boy, I can't wait to hear this one…"

"Obviously, Kouga's weather Matrix with the combined power of bomb 21 and created an explosion so large, it caused a temporary rip in time that cascaded throughout-" Inuyasha began.

(Wow, big words for Inu.)

"Whoah, whoah, whoah, wait," Shippo interrupted, "I don't understand."

"Inuyasha, can we do the play now?" Jakotsu asked.

"Yeah!" Link cried.

"Yes!" Sheik answered.

"I don't want to do that dumb skit." Kagome complained.

"Fine, but only because I want to see Kagome be miserable." Inuyasha told them, "I miss the old days."

"Great!" Jakotsu shouted, "Places everyone!"

**Later…**

"Humans Vs. Demons presents a Jakotsu play. Written and directed by Jakotsu." Jakostu announced.

"Can we just start?" Inuyasha complained.

**Curtain Opens…**

"Aaaannnnnnnd, action!"

"Hello, weary traveler. We represent the time line." Sheik said.

"I am the past," Inuyasha claimed, "Where things cost less, and people knew the value of a hard day's work. But they only lived to be twenty eight years old!"

"And I am the future," Sheik added, "Where people have no morals and emotions, but we have a bunch of kick-ass gadgets."

"And I'm the present," Kagome followed, "Which sucks. We have nothing cool and also no morals."

"And I am the helpful narrator," Jakotsu finished, "A faithless voice for lonely writers."

"That's not important…I think." Shippo shouted.

"Shut-up!" Jakotsu demanded angrily, "Stop audience, you're ruining my play! Ahem, everything was fine in the time line, until one day in the present."

"Why does bad stuff always happen in the present?" Kagome complained.

"Because that's where people do stuff!" Jakotsu answered, annoyed.

"Quit your bitchin'. I have monsters, high-tech wars that seem very important, but now it's trivial and stupid." Inuyasha stated.

"Yeah, well I have the apocalypse. That's way worse than what you two dim-(beeps) have." Sheik said, "Sorry, sir. Dim-(beep) was in character."

"Oh, well…bravo, Sheik." Inuyasha replied.

"One day in the present, terrible things happened." Jakotsu told Shippo.

"Enter stage left. Hello, I am stupid private Miroku, " Link said, "I am going to set off a big bomb now and totally mess things up for everyone because I am stupid! Turns around. Hello, present! I am going to set off a bomb up in you!"

"Don't do that!" Kagome replied, "Stupid private Miroku, that might kill me!"

"Thinks about this for a moment."

"Link! You're not supposed to read your stage directions!" Jakotsu told him.

"You said to read anything with my name in front of it!"

"Just the lines, not the actions! You're ruining my big opening!"

"I do not like what we are doing. I think you should talk to my agent." Link replied.

"This is stupid! I quit!" Kagome shouted.

"You can't quit! Wait!" Jakotsu then turned back to Shippo, "This has been a Jakotsu production." Jakotsu then ran off to get Kagome.

"Listen, Shippo. Your buddy Miroku set off a bomb which with combined with the weather machinery and Kouga made an explosion so large it destroyed the present!" Inuyasha informed Shippo.

"Destroyed the present?" Shippo asked, "Then where are we?"

"We're in the future, idiot," Sheik informed him.

"Aren't we in the present right now?" Shippo asked, "Aren't we always in the present?"

"Unbelievable, he can't cope with the truth," Sheik stated, "He's in denial!"

"That is so sad," Kagome stated.

"You're not listening!" Inuyasha complained, "The present has been destroyed! It no longer exists! We are in the future!"

"AAArrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhhhh! That makes no sense!" Shippo wined.

"We're currently working on a short film to explain it. Tom Cruise has the script, and I hear he's vvveeerrrryyyy interested," Jakotsu claimed.

"Right," Shippo replied.


	6. Uncharted Territories

This chapter takes place before the planning of joining the Humans and Demons. I'll add others like this when I feel like it.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

**At a snow-covered base in the mountains…**

"Let me get this straight, you just GAVE the guy our flag?" A demon asked.

"C'mon, let's go get 'em!" Another exclaimed.

**Same place, but where Sango, Miroku, Shippo and Link are…**

"I think we have a minute before they see us…," Sango muttered.

"Well that doesn't sound good," Miroku stated, "Hey, Shippo! Which way to the human base?"

Shippo standing upon a large boulder to see, turned around, "I dunno," He plainly stated.

"What? But you're our navigator!" Miroku defended.

"Who said that?" Shippo asked, "It was just your idea to leave a trail of ice cubes to lead us back to the base…in the snow."

"Can you please hurry this up? I'm freezing," Sango wined.

"It's not that cold," Shippo stated, "Watch. Hey, Link. Try sticking your tongue to that flag pole again."

"I am not falling for that again," The Hyrulian replied through gritted teeth.

"Hey, if we're lost…," Sango began.

"We're not lost," Miroku told her, "We're just taking an alternative unexplored route and that we don't know the location of."

"People, it'd save us a lot more time if you just said "Lost!" Sango angrily inquired.

"No way," Miroku replied.

"Aw, ya getting' scared?"

"No way," He repeated.

"Aw, the big stwong man."

"No, because we're not girls," Shippo stated.

"Oh, hey look! A map!" Miroku pointed out, then ran over to get.

"Cool!" The Kitsune shouted happily.

"You are here," Miroku read aloud, "Good. At least now we know where we are."

"I already knew we where here! Thanks for nothing, map!" Shippo wined.

"Gettin' really cold, guys," Sango said.

"Okay, we came here by the department store… So we need to head back this way, and blue base will be there…"

"We need to go up?" Shippo asked, looking over the map.

"Up is North," Miroku replied.

"Looks like up."

"You're always just so- aw, forget it! I know where I'm goin' so just follow me!"

"I'm not going anywhere," Link said.

"What?" Miroku asked.

"My mom always said if I got lost I should just stay exactly where I am and she said she would come and find me!" Link replied proudly.

"Link, you've gotta be kidding me. We need to get back to the base. Mother is not coming," Miroku stated.

"I don't know about that," Shippo told him, "If I see his mom later tonight…"

"SHIPPO! Not now!"

"All right, I'll stay here a guard Link," Sango volunteered, "You guys go get the car."

"All right, fine!" Miroku pouted, "We'll be right back. C'mon Shippo. Let's head North. I mean up. I mean North. I mean- god damn it!"

**In the Demon Base with Miroku and Shippo…**

"What's this place? The demon base?" Shippo asked.

"Yeah, and look at that. The place is color-coded." Miroku pointed out, "Where did we park?"

"I dunno. Red?"

"Why would we park in red?"

"Security?"

"I remember seeing blue when we parked," Miroku stated.

"Yeah, because we wear blue… And Link was sitting on your lap. What does your parking ticket say?" Shippo asked.

"I left it in the car."

"What? Now someone's gonna break in and steal the ticket to save ten bucks on parking!" Shippo exclaimed.

"Have you ever heard about that happening once?"

"Wait, I remember now. You said you didn't want to pay ten dollars to park in here so we parked down the street!"

"Oh, right," Miroku said, "I am cheap."

The two then ran into a teleporter.

"All right, let's get this thing goin'."

**Outside…**

A destroyed city lies before the two, and they make their way up some stairs.

"What the hell is this?" Shippo asked.

A human base with beautiful fountains and waterfalls are seen decorating the base.

"I think it's a water fountain," Miroku inquired.

"Cool. I should've worn my bikini today."

"Shippo…"

"Just kidding! I don't even wear underwear…," Shippo muttered.

"Thanks for the, uh, imahe you've just created."

"Man," Shippo said, walking up to the door, "This human base is way better than our base. We should move here!"

"Yeah, it's nice," Miroku agreed, "Look at all that water."

"Does the demon base have any water?"

"I don't think so."

"What an advantage!" Shippo exclaimed, "We could slowly de-hydrate the demons and when they come over to get a drink, BAM!"

"When did you start thinking strategically?" Miroku asked.

"Eh, I just like being mean to people."

**In the city streets…**

"Okay, now THIS looks familiar," Miroku stated.

"Yeah, that's what you've been saying for seven blocks."

"Ah-ha! There's the car!" Miroku pointed, "I knew it!"

"I just bet Sango and Link have died from starvation by now," Shippo said aloud.

"Hey, look! A yogurt shop! Awesome!" The Kitsune exclaimed, running to it.

"I don't think they're open, Shippo!"

"I think you're right. Let's break in!"

"I am not breaking into a store to get you free yogurt," Miroku replied, jumping into the car, "C'mon, let's go."

"I can see the sprinkles, Miroku! Seriously."

"Yeah, that's great. C'mon, let's go. We'll come back later after we pick them up."

"Hey, can I drive?" Shippo asked, returning to the car.

"Um, let me think about that for a minute- NO!"

"Oh, all right," Shippo sighed.


End file.
